The Impact of Parents on Summer Camps: Challenges and Solutions
It’s been a while.
Summer happened, and it was a tough one.
But I am back.
In recent summers, significant changes have emerged in camping—trends that began pre-pandemic and have since accelerated. I don’t know how to explain what’s happening, but the refrain I keep hearing from Camp Directors across the country is that “Parents are fucking nuts!”
This, of course, isn’t true of all parents. It’s not even true of the majority, but it seems to be true of the small number that take up a disproportionate amount of our bandwidth.
So, what’s happening? Research suggests that there has been a watershed in parenting, and parenting styles are rapidly changing (see the progression from helicopter to lawn mower and snow plow parenting). There is no one thing driving this change; rather, it’s a confluence of unconnected events.
Parents, particularly in the United States, are increasingly likely to rely on their own judgment and are less likely to seek help or listen to advice from others when it comes to raising their children. Parents feel more confident in their own knowledge, partly due to easy access to information online, which has led them to not only rely less on external advice from extended family, friends, or even professionals but also to rely on their own research and gut instinct. As we know, any search online for information and solutions leads to a degree of selection bias, especially when algorithmically elevated content on social media pushes the user towards more extreme positions and confirms what they already believe, cementing their beliefs.
Additionally, during and after the pandemic, parents have been spending much more time with their children. Combined with a reduction in unsupervised play and the use of electronics in the proximity of, but paradoxically not supervised by, parents as a substitute for peer interactions, many parents feel they know their children much better than their parents ever knew them. This ‘new hands-on’ parenting style is becoming known as Intensive Parenting.
This new parenting style reflects broader cultural and political changes in the US. Some (including myself) argue that it’s driven by broader societal anxieties about economic uncertainty, safety, and social mobility. Intensive parenting is often more prevalent among middle- and upper-class families, who face intense pressures to ensure their children succeed in a competitive economy. These parents believe that by closely managing their children's education, activities, and social interactions, they can help them secure a better future.
These shifts in parenting styles are becoming increasingly evident at the camps I manage. Parents often position their campers as exceptional, and when they are not, they work to portray them as the exception—believing the rules should be adjusted specifically for their child. They may assert that their camper requires special accommodations, often self-diagnosing their children with a range of conditions that they believe necessitate these adjustments. At the same time, we’re seeing fewer parents providing detailed information on their campers' needs during registration or intake, likely due to fears of their child being excluded from camp or concerns that acknowledging any challenges might reflect poorly on their parenting.
This behavior creates a toxic confluence where parents not only demand privileges—like moving their child to the front of waitlists or reserving specific bunks—but also tend to view their children's negative behaviors as purely the result of external factors. This prevents them from recognizing their child's role in these situations. As a result, parents often see their children as passive victims rather than active participants, leading them to defend their child unconditionally, even when accountability is necessary.
At camp, we are seeing what educators have been reporting for years—parental defensiveness, where they are quick to blame others for their child’s behavior, is preventing professionals from implementing conflict and behavioral resolutions. We were once seen as arbitrators, helping to find the middle ground where the truth lies. We are now seen as part, if not all, of the problem as parents become more entrenched while advocating for their camper. The results are alarming and apparent in all areas of camp. Campers playing gaga ball are unable to navigate conflict from simple rule violations as they have not been able to build resilience. When challenged, their coping skills collapse, and they become loud and aggressive. Camp staff help the campers navigate and resolve their issues amicably, only to receive calls from parents asking that the camper their child had a conflict with be kept away from them as they are “bullies.”
Camps are really struggling to do what they do best: help kids learn from their mistakes and build confidence. We are no longer seen as partners by these parents but often as obstacles to their child's development or even adversaries. I can’t say how many times I have been told stories that can’t possibly be true (stories about staff who were not working that week or incidents about activities we don’t offer). When I have tried to explain that maybe they have not been told the truth, I have had the parent counter that their teenage child would never lie to them and that I should investigate further until I find their version of the truth. I’m sorry, but I was a teenager, and lying to my parents to deflect from my own wrongdoing occupied a double-digit percentage of my time (and I was a “good kid”). I know when this is coming, as the parent, like the person who says “I’m not racist, but…” (enter the most racist shit you have ever heard here), starts by saying, “I don’t want to be that parent, but…”
So, what can we do? It's crucial that all camp staff are consistent in communicating the camp’s approach to child development to campers and parents. This includes the idea that challenges and conflicts are valuable learning experiences. Consistent messaging helps build trust with parents and reinforces the camp's role in supporting their child's growth. At every opportunity, whether it's tours or introductory emails, we need to repeatedly state who we are and what our values are. We should explain the importance of allowing children to experience challenges and resolve conflicts independently. This may be uncomfortable for the child but is shown to have positive long-term effects.
Explain to parents on tours (or again by email) that letting children navigate difficulties helps them understand that such experiences are crucial for developing resilience and problem-solving skills. When talking to parents on the phone about their camper's behavior, it's essential to communicate in a way that acknowledges the child's role in the situation. This can be done by providing balanced feedback that highlights both the child's strengths and areas for growth, emphasizing that learning from mistakes is a key part of the camp experience rather than simply stating what the child has done and what the consequences may be.
Teaching children how to resolve conflicts with peers on their own is another crucial aspect of what we do. Childhood play without adult supervision is almost nonexistent. We tell children all the time to seek out an adult, but once they find us, we don’t need to rescue them. It may take more work in the short term to help kids navigate conflict, but once they have the skill, they’ll use it and reduce our workload. By implementing these strategies, summer camp professionals can help shift parental perceptions, encouraging them to see their children not just as passive participants or victims but as active agents capable of learning and growing through their experiences. This approach not only supports the child’s development but also builds a stronger, more supportive relationship between the camp and the parents.
By embracing these strategies, we can not only help children develop crucial life skills but also foster stronger, more cooperative relationships with parents. Together, we can ensure that camps remain a place where every child can grow, learn, and thrive.
